Marriage Counseling Part 1

Pete and I attended our first marriage counseling session yesterday. Whew.

I asked for a divorce a couple of weeks ago. And now we're here. I'm looking for closure. He wants to save our marriage. But I am beyond done.

I've been putting it all to bed for the last two years. I'm ready for this. More than ready. Yearning.

I've been home (at my parents' house) for the last two weeks. And I feel freer and more alive than at any time I can remember. At once with the independence of a little age and experience, combined with the sudden freedom of not having anyone to be accountable to. No one expecting me home. No one I must explain myself to. No one to disapprove of me. No one I must fuck so he's distracted from my unhappiness.

I feel guilty for having these thoughts and wants. They feel so selfish. But this feeling is exhilarating. I've wanted this. Needed this.